So hang on now

I finally got around to opening my Bible. Like I said, I usually don't look forward to Bible time; it requires work and it's not always comfortable. 

For months, I've managed to keep myself procrastinated away from reading. Ignoring God can work for short periods of time like that - if I'm happy and life is going well, why would I go looking for work and potential discomfort? - but eventually, I start searching again. I have to. God is so merciful, he always brings me back.

So I read. I picked up where I left off back in November. Today's passage was Psalm 40. To make sure I'd stay awake and retain some sense of the message of the passage, I started taking notes in a way I'd never tried, writing personalized paraphrases of the parts that caught my eye.

And the passage was about me. It was to me. It was a message God's been trying to tell me for over a year. After digging my Bible out from under a bunch of stuff for the first time in months, I just happened to read that exact message in a random Psalm I'd never seen before. "If I wait patiently for the Lord, he will hear me and rescue me. I will be stable. I'll be joyful, and many will see and put their trust in the Lord. The Lord is kind to those who trust Him."

It was a "wow" moment, a gift from the God I've been avoiding. He'd led me to his Word to tell me something, and it wasn't "You're in trouble for always ignoring me." Instead, it was pure love. It was important. When it finally sticks, it will change my life.

I got up to fix dinner amazed that he'd spoken so directly to me. In the dark part of me, gray-black exhausting endless circles of despair were stilled by delicate, careful hope. Maybe this time...maybe, maybe, if I follow Him very carefully....maybe this time the message will stick.

I decided to check my Facebook before starting on the steaks, getting back into the swing of normal life after talking to God, when he gave me something else. Among the usual almost-spam, a friend who doesn't post often had typed the words "Cus God is God and He holds it together....so hang on now!"

It was so sudden, like being startled. I just stood there with my hand over my mouth and my eyes closed. The non-coincidences had lined up until I felt overwhelmed by God's work in my life, his reaching out to me when I was supposed to be the one seeking him.

I did a search of the lyric-like words and found the song they'd come from and listened to it. I was in awe, and broken by gratitude.

And to think I'd expected to fall asleep with my face in the Psalms.

Yeah we've all been lost and we've all been hurt
Where our hope is spent and our faith don't work
But nothing lasts forever
The only thing that matters
Is God is still God and He holds it together

So hang on now