Beer Plus Meat Equals...

Saturday I found out what happens when you mix this

with this

and it was this:

and it was magical.

Okay, so I was looking for a recipe for pork and green chile stew and I saw a recipe for brisket. I was like hooray that sounds like the best meal ever, let's get the ingredients. So we went to the grocery store because we were out of food anyway, and their smallest chunk of brisket cost $22. WOW THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY! But it was also a lot of meat. So we bought it.

The brisket recipe called for stout beer. The only thing I know about beer is that it's yellow (and even that turned out to be wrong,) so I looked up what brand of stout beer was recommended for cooking, and it was Guinness. So I looked up a picture of Guinness so I'd know what I was looking for.

Then I noticed that the Commissary - get this - does not sell alcohol. Weird, right? But that's okay, because the PX does, I think, as does the gas station on post that's almost within walking distance of the Commissary.

But. The gas station didn't have Guinness. I was in there staring at their small selection of beer for like ten minutes hoping I'd see a stout one. People came and grabbed cases of beer, and this one guy kept walking by like he wanted to get something but I was in the way (even though I totally wasn't.) I didn't see any stout beer. I went out to the car and told Joe that I'd have to make a separate trip to Food Lion and check if they had what I needed, 'cause I didn't want to try to find a substitute. I wanted AUTHENTIC!

Kindly, rather than sending me alone into the cruel world to buy beer when my most extensive experience with alcohol was the bottle of wine he bought for my 21st birthday which I tried super hard to get drunk from but just could not drink because it was nasty so I giggled a lot to make myself feel tipsy, he drove me to Food Lion. As we pulled up, I saw a liquor store in the same parking lot and figured that was our best bet.

It was the second time I'd been in a liquor store. (The first time, I was buying brandy for Tiramisu.) Both times I felt like at any moment, someone was going to point and whisper about me or shoot me because the store was being robbed. Oddly, neither happened either time.

(NOTE: Okay, so I'm kinda clueless about booze. When I was growing up, my parents had a bottle of wine in the over-the-fridge cabinet for like 20 years, and then 4 of a 6-pack of wine coolers in the fridge for 2 years, and maybe some beer once when they had friends over. I didn't even know that alcohol's widely consumed until I worked as a waitress and people were ordering drinks regularly.)

Anyway. Found the Guinness, went to the checkout counter. A middle-age Japanese guy with a gray afro and a frown rang up our purchase. While Joe paid for it (and the guy didn't even ask for ID,) I read a printed-out taped-up paper sign that informed me that it's illegal for liquor stores to give away cups of ice. I had to think about that one for a few seconds before I got it.

We went home and unloaded groceries, then I made sauce with beer, put the brisket in the crockpot, and played League of Legends with Joe. The windows were open and the sun was shining in and you could smell dinner. Hours later, there was the glorious meat.